


Alone

by Toastiel



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-31
Updated: 2015-12-31
Packaged: 2018-05-10 14:47:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5590264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toastiel/pseuds/Toastiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'I'm sorry I haven't been by in so long. Forgive me, please, darling?'</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alone

'I'm sorry I haven't been by in so long. Forgive me, please, darling?' I paused in my thoughts, as though giving him time to respond. Some part of me still waited for his smooth baritone to whisper to me that all was well and that he held no ill will, yet I continued on. 'Its been so busy lately, what with work and all. How'd you ever manage it? All those papers to grade, and lessons to plan, and things blowing up? You truly were one of the best, I suppose.'

My glove-clad fingers toyed with the white rose that sat in my lap, spelled to remain in bloom for several weeks before it would drop its petals and blow away with the wind to scatter across the lake. The wind picked up for a moment, and though it was simply a coincidence, I knew it was him, denying the accusation. I smiled as I replied, 'Well, you were.'

It was only two years ago that he had left me; two years ago that I had watched him fade away without being able to do anything about it. The school had been repaired, the dead mourned, the heroes, both fallen and alive, honored (to honor him, Harry had placed a portrait of him in the Head's office, alongside Dumbledore's). Two years of peace in which so many attempted to pick up all the scattered pieces of their lives, make some sense of what had happened, and put them back together as best they could. Nothing was the same; many pieces were missing, each one dead was another shard that couldn't be replaced. We all had missing pieces.

George was torn in half without Fred. It was so saddening to watch as one twin buried the other. The Lupins had been laid to rest side by side, as it was meant to be. Even at the age of two years, Teddy Lupin understood the sacrifices they had made for him. Mad-eye lay alongside Dumbledore, whose tomb had been repaired, his magical eyes set inside the stone so that he could always remain vigilant, even in death.

So many had died, fifty in that single battle alone. Each one was given the Order of Merlin, First Class, and all were dearly missed. 'Even you…'

I traced the words engraved on the black marble headstone, marking the place were his body had been resting for two long years. Someday, I would join him, but it would be a very long time before that day came. Patience is always rewarded in the end, however, so I wait in silent anticipation. I know deep down that he would not want me to be withdrawn, living only for the day that I die. I must move on, find something to go on for, something to entangle my passion in, someone to share my years with aside from a ghost. I sighed, turning my gaze to the sky, the light of the moon, full and perfectly round in all her splendor, bathing the grounds of Hogwarts School in a soft white glow.

'I don't think I can, though. There is no one else for me. It was only ever you, my love, and you know that as well as I, or, at least I like to think you do.' I sighed and returned my gaze to him. 'Everyone says that the pain subsides with time, that the sadness fades after a while. I don't think they loved their lost as much as I love you. The pain, the sadness, it isn't going away, it isn't fading. It still hurts the same as it did when I realized that you weren't going to wake up. It still hurts that the last thing you thought of was her. That's why you did it, isn't it? That's why you forced Harry to look at you with every ounce of strength you had left. You wanted to forever remember her eyes, to forever remember your first love. I guess it was to be expected. Its not like you knew how I felt. I just couldn't find it within me to tell you. I was so afraid of your rejection, of the hatred that I knew would fill your eyes at the idea. You may have seen Lily Potter, nay Evans, as something more, but the rest of us, we would always be Mudbloods to you, wouldn't we?'

I stood to leave, placing the rose before the stone and allowing the tears to finally fall. I must admit, it felt good to let them out. I know that its not all of them, but at least some of the weight was lifted. I could finally breath a bit deeper. I'd made my confession, or one of them at least. I could feel somewhat at peace with myself, for a while at least. It had been a good day to visit, now that I remember it. As I turned to walk away from the lone grave by the edge of the lake, I glanced back, the words of his tombstone epitaph echoing forever in my mind. It had been an easy choice, deciding what to put. The words seemed to suit him just fine, at any rate.

" _I could not awaken my heart to joy at the same tone -_

_And all I lov'd - I lov'd alone."_

I placed a soft kiss to my fingers and blew it away with my words, hoping they would find him wherever he was, "Happy Birthday, dearest Severus."

 


End file.
